By Michael Higginbotham, NCC, LPC
If I could gently remove one phrase from our collective vocabulary, it would be “move on.”
In my years sitting across from grieving spouses, parents, and children here at Helping Hand Therapy, the most common fear I hear isn’t about the pain itself. It is the fear that the pain means they are doing something wrong.
“It’s been six months,” a client will whisper, looking down at their hands. “Why am I still stuck? Why haven’t I finished the five stages yet?”
If you are reading this and feeling the heavy stone of loss in your chest, I want you to take a deep breath and hear this truth: You are not broken. You are not failing. And you do not need to “get over” your love.
The Myth of “Closure”
For decades, popular culture has convinced us that grief is a ladder—five neat steps (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance) that we climb until we reach the top, dusted off and “healed.”
But modern psychological research tells us that grief is not a straight line; it is a landscape.
The most current understanding of grief—concepts like the Dual Process Model and Growing Around Grief—reminds us that healing doesn’t mean the grief disappears. It means your life expands enough to hold it.
The Jar and the Stone
Imagine your life is a glass jar, and your grief is a jagged stone inside it. Right now, the stone might be so big it touches every side of the jar. You can’t move without feeling it. You keep waiting for the stone to shrink, but the truth is, deep grief doesn’t shrink.
The “cure” for grief isn’t making the stone smaller. It is making the jar bigger.
As you slowly reintegrate into the world—laughing at a joke, planting a garden, connecting with a friend—your jar expands. The stone remains, just as heavy and true as it ever was, but it no longer consumes all the space. You grow around it. You don’t move on from your person; you move forward with them.
You Are Not Alone
Grief can feel like the loneliest experience in the world, even in a crowded room. But while your loss is unique to you, the experience of loss is a bridge that connects us all.
At Helping Hand Therapy, we specialize in walking this terrain with you. We know that sometimes the jar feels too fragile to hold on your own. We are here to help you reinforce the glass, offering a safe space to process the weight you are carrying.
But we also know that healing happens in the quiet, private moments of your Tuesday afternoon. If you aren’t ready to sit with a therapist just yet, that is okay.
5 Gentle Ways to Process Grief (Without a Therapist)
If you are looking for a way to carry your grief more comfortably today, try one of these research-backed strategies.
If you are looking for a way to carry your grief more comfortably today, try one of these research-backed strategies.
- Practice “Grief Dosing.” We often repress grief because we fear that if we start crying, we will never stop. Try this: Set a timer for 20 minutes. Give yourself full permission to fall apart—cry, scream, look at photos, and feel the depth of the loss. When the timer goes off, get up, wash your face, and change rooms. This teaches your nervous system that you can visit the deep end of the ocean without drowning.
- Create a “Continuing Bond” Ritual. Old psychology said to “sever ties.” New psychology says to continue the bond. You don’t have to let go of the relationship; you just have to change how you hold it. Create a small ritual to acknowledge them: light a specific candle at dinner, talk to them on your commute, or wear a piece of their jewelry. These acts validate that they are still a part of your life.
- Move the “Stuck” Energy (Somatic Release). Grief isn’t just in your head; it is stored in your body. If you feel a tightness in your chest or a knot in your stomach, words might not be enough. Go for a brisk walk, stretch, or simply shake your hands and legs out for 60 seconds. Moving your body helps complete the stress cycle and reminds your physical self that you are safe in the present moment.
- Rewrite the Narrative. Trauma can make it feel like our life story was burned halfway through. Try writing about your loss, but focus on the meaning. How has this changed you? What strengths have you discovered? You are the author of the next chapter. Writing helps reorganize the chaos in your brain into a story you can carry.
- Find Your “Silent Witnesses” Isolation feeds the darkness. You don’t always need a deep heart-to-heart to feel better; sometimes you just need to be near life. Go to a coffee shop, a library, or a park. Be around the hum of other humans. It reminds you that the world is still turning, and you are still part of it.
Your love was real, and so is your grief. There is no timeline you need to meet. There is no finish line. But there is hope.
If the weight feels too heavy today, Helping Hand Therapy is here to help you lift it. We offer compassionate, non-judgmental therapy that honors your unique story. Whether you need a guide for the long haul or just a hand to hold for a difficult season, we are ready when you are.
Until then, be gentle with yourself. You are doing the best you can, and that is enough.
You are not alone
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